she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
