i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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