did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
