JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
