Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
