Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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