there was a trapeze. enough said
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
