Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
