Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
