Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
