I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
