Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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