i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
