girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
