carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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