TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
