Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Everclear isn't food dammit
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
