i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
