I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i came on her dog
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize