just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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