Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
