Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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