no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My penis needs a shock collar
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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