Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
