just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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