this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
