you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize