i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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