Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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