then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
