I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
