david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Alive.
So much puke
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
