I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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