Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
