Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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