i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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