we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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