yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
