just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
