Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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