I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
