Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
