none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
