My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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