The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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