is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
