hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
