Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize