Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
