I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize