Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
