every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
