Apparently you make a good broom.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
