I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
