apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize