a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
third nipple confirmed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize