just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
