He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
