That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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