He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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