Can i not drive my cunt home
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize