I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
