I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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