What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
