On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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