: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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