He told me they were just razor bumps!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
