i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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