I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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