So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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