....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Found your dick twin last night
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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