a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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